


First Kisses Come Last

by FanFicAddict7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Azkaban, Crying, Dementors, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16331951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicAddict7/pseuds/FanFicAddict7
Summary: Stuck in Azkaban, Sirius finds memories he had worked so hard to ignore. But what is one to do when the dementors drag these nightmares out that should have been blissful moments?Sirius is left to relive his one-sided relationship with James





	First Kisses Come Last

**Ch1**

Sirius hated it here; sure he felt like he belonged, but he hated all the memories these damned creatures made him relive. All the times he’d been hurt, all the times he’d hurt others. Azkaban was a perfectly designed hell. At first, the dementors took only the obviously painful memories. His mother’s abuse. The day he left home. The day Remus left him. The day he learned Regulus died. The day Uncle Alphard was murdered. But eventually, those memories didn’t satisfy them anymore. 

**Ch2**

Two sweaty boys lay in the grass beside a dark lake. They had been flying and running and participating in general horseplay, being teenage boys.

“Swim?”

“Sure.”

Stripping on the way, the two barrelled into the lake, whooping and hollering. Some wrestling brought on a response Sirius hadn’t expected, but James definitely noticed it. With one finger in front of his lips in a hushing motion, his other hand disappeared beneath the water while the other boy froze in anticipation. Sirius gasped as his best friend’s hand was suddenly around his erection. James started slowly, Sirius was confused, but not about to stop him. No, this felt really good actually. Sirius was no longer aware of the water around him, the sun tanning his back, or anything but the twisting and pulling of his dick. An involuntary moan left his throat.

“Shhh, that’s a good boy,” James reassured the other boy while using his fingers to silence him. What he hadn’t seemed to expect was when Sirius took his fingers in on long sucking motion. “Needy are we?” James whispered in his ear. 

Overwhelmed by James picking up the pace, Sirius let his head fall on the other’s shoulder. It didn’t take much longer for Sirius to tense, whine, and come, mingling into the lake.

“Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want Lily to think I’m bent.” James left Sirius standing alone, naked, in the middle of the Potters’ lake, a sinking feeling that started in his chest quickly reached his feet, leadening them.

**Ch3**

Sirius as very good at pretending things never happened. Hell, it was how he had survived being a Black for so long. He supposed this was just one more of those things. But why? Was it such a bad thing? He couldn’t ask because he had promised not to say anything.

**Ch4**

James and Sirius sat at the desk in James’ room. James’ parents were at some party and Sirius brought some reading material. They were looking at some muggle magazine, one with lots of women in not a lot of clothes. It was obvious that James was enjoying it. But while James was looking at the muggle women, Sirius was looking at the tenting in James’ pajama pants. All he could think about was what was under the tent.

The desk chair scraped on the floor as it was pulled out before Sirius knelt in front of James. James’ eyes widened before he understood what was happening and the surprise was replaced with a certain smugness.

James closed his eyes, imagining the blond on page 7. Sirius got to work, slowly sliding his lips up and down James’ length, his tongue looking for sensitive spots, James bucked, moaned. He seemed frustrated at Sirius’ pace, though Sirius was enjoying the little bit of control he had, at least for now. It didn’t take long for James to wind his hand in Sirius’ long hair before fucking his face. James made the most beautiful noises as Sirius moaned around his dick, a hand working the neglected erection in his own pants. When James finished, Sirius swallowed it, knowing it would please James. Always did when they did this. Sirius didn’t finish. Didn’t usually, anyway.

“Damn, Sirius. You do that even better than the birds at school.” James soon pulled Sirius into his lap, just long enough to get him off real quick, before pushing him off and pulling his pajamas back on.

“Fancy a sandwich?”

**Ch5**

Sirius had tried so hard to forget that he had fallen in love with his best friend. And yet, here he was, having to relive it every fucking day. Why did he have to fall for the one straight friend he had?

**Ch6**

Sirius had been blowing James again when James mentioned he wanted to try something else. Sirius agreed. He always agreed, but to be honest, he had been wanting to get here for a while anyway. James took the minimum amount of time to prepare them both, before pushing his head into Sirius. Once, he pushed all the way in, he slid back out and tried a new angle. He found what he had heard was there on the third try, as Sirius gasped and collapsed a little beneath him. Soon, he was pumping in and out, Sirius unable to control himself as he met his thrusts and rutted on his bed at the same time. It didn’t take long before Sirius pushed over the edge, the contraction from his orgasm sending James over the edge as well. James rolled off and almost promptly fell asleep. Sirius went to the showers. He needed time to think, time alone, and he knew he’d get it there. In the shower, tears mixed with water as he realized he was in love with his best friend, but that, to James, he was an easy fuck. Sure, they were friends, but there was no romance behind the handjobs and orgasms. And there probably never would be.

**Ch7**

The tears in the memory were complimented by tears right there in Azkaban. The foul beasts were doing their daily rounds, feeding. Sirius stopped resisting, gave them what they truly wanted.

**Ch8**

Sirius had stayed behind to help James clean up after the stag party.

“I always knew,” James startled Sirius.

“What?”

“I always knew you loved me, Sirius. I saw it in your eyes.”

“Then why? Why did you keep it going with me? You know how many nights I cried? How many guys I let do whatever they wanted to forget you, what we did? How hard I tried to love someone else, just to be pulled back in by you?”

“Because it was the best I could give you. I would have loved you back if I could, honestly. But I couldn’t, so I gave you what I could.”

“You didn’t give me everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“You never gave me my first kiss. All these years I’ve waited, you’ve never given it.”

“You still haven’t kissed anyone?”

“No. I told you, I was waiting, hoping.”

James closed what distance was left. His lips were so gentle, moving as if they’d kissed Sirius a million times before. Soon, salt mingled in their kisses. It didn’t surprise either of them that it escalated from there. What was surprising was how gentle it was. This time, James took his time. Took the time to appreciate Sirius. To at least do right by him this one time. He may be getting married in the morning, but tonight, tonight was for Sirius. Sirius cried a lot actually, but he took what he could get from James, and let him fuck him like it was the last time because it truly was. A year and a half later, James would be dead, Sirius would be stuck in a cell, and life would fall apart. And the night before James and Lily tied the knot would be a speck for dementors to feed on as Sirius went mad. But it was his first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not meant to bash James. It just happens to be an unhealthy relationship told through memories of a single party.


End file.
